New Downtown Meat Market Having Its Grand Opening Today

New Mennonite Market upon Abbeville's town square.

For those of you who have been looking forward to the New "Court Square Market" - opening in downtown Abbeville - the wait is finally over. It's having its Grand Opening today - Thursday the 30th of September - and, wow, what a place to shop! All I can say is that neither: Ingles, nor Bi-Lo compare - when it comes to price verses meat selection. I was enthralled by everything about this new Mennonite store. It is well laid out, extremely well presented, and the products largely available are of exceptionally good quality! More importantly, the profits will stay in Abbeville and benefit our own local community; unlike the big box stores around town.

Although it compares to "The Pantry Shoppe" out on the Due West highway, it is much grander in every single detail and is conveniently located in downtown Abbeville. They've pulled out all of the stops on this one folks, so Y'all best check it out real soon! The owner Marv Stoltzfus can take reasonable pride in his unique and highly valuable accomplishment. In case you don't know where it is yet... it's located in the Old Savitz Drug Store building right on the town square. For your reference - until the new phone books come out - the new store's phone number is #366-9675.

For more store photos, continue to the next page.

A New Barber Shop Has Opened In Abbeville

New Barber Shop now open in Abbeville.

As I went out about town today, I stumbled across a true bargain.... We have a New Barber Shop in town offering $5.00 haircuts through the rest of the week - in order to herald its grand opening, which occurred on Tuesday September 28th. This price is only good until Saturday, so you had better hurry in to see the new proprietor Charlie Norris really quick! I'm only sorry, that I didn't find out until today... I'm sure, that my readers could have used the heads up about it - much sooner. Alas, I don't get out as much as I used to.

Charlie's Old Fashioned Barber Shop is a nice little "Mom And Pop Enterprise" located next to the Printing Shop on Washington Street and across the street from the Old Poliakoff's Department Store. He did an outstanding job upon my own hair; and I am certain that he'll do just fine for yours, as well! Charlie has 7 years barbering experience with another local hair cutter; and he is also a registered barber. Moreover, since he is just now starting his own shop, there is very little waiting time largely involved.

I would strongly recommend him for these reasons alone. However, with a regular price of just $10.00 per cut, I am sure that you'll find services highly attractive for most of you. Personally, I've long since tired of traveling to Greenwood for a reasonable haircut... or, anything else, for that matter. Let's start supporting our local Abbeville businesses and rebuild our own local economy, folks! Stop in, and see Charlie, real soon... you'll be glad that you did. For those of you who like to call ahead, his new phone number is #366-7828. Be sure and tell him, that we sent you.

A Book Review For: "The Guns Of The South"

A Civil War "What If" scenario.

Having recently read: "The Guns Of The South," by Harry Turtledove, I figured that I might recommend it to my own readership as a fairly well-written book of periodic science fiction. Although the physical setting is in 1864 amidst the backdrop of The American Civil War, Turtledove has carefully and painstakingly woven certain elements from our own era into the mix - producing a very interesting tale of purely entertaining fiction and fantasy. I was, actually, quite pleasantly surprised, by [precisely] how well it turned out in the end. As far as "What If" Scenarios can go, this one is far better than most!

As most of us already know, The Confederacy was no longer fairing too well - by the Winter of 1863 and Spring of 1864. They had taken far too many physical losses in the previous year, their ports were largely blockaded, their currency was functionally debased, and everything was in very short supply. Without European support and/or material assistance, The Confederacy would soon crumble under the sheer physical weight of their Northern brothers. And yet, this book renders them their much needed assistance - in the form of individuals resupplying them and minimalistically re-equipping them from 150 years in the future.

Piedmont Blues And Hash Bash Is Coming Around Soon

Blues Legend Mac Arnold - live in outdoor concert.

When it comes to Events Being Held In South Carolina, very few of them can honestly compare to our own Annual "Piedmont Blues and Hash Bash - which comes around [once again] on: October 7th, 8th and 9th!" There is nothing better than: well-prepared Barbeque, true Southern Hash, and the Piedmont Blues - to quite honestly lift one's spirits... and Abbeville's "Blues and Hash Bash"  is a magnificent signature event in a reasonably small town atmosphere. If you're going to attend only one of Abbeville's Annual Events, this year, then you can't do any better than attending just this one.

As a South Carolina Barbeque Association "Master Barbeque Award" Event, Barbeque Experts and Afficianados alike come to this small South Carolinian town - from all over the southeastern region - to enjoy the good-natured and highly spirited competitive environment. Meanwhile, Abbeville is fast becoming an Annual stop with those competing for top prize money and awards in this very popular culinary category. To their particular following, the fantastic and largely free musical entertainment is just one of many secondary enjoyments. As many of them will, quite frankly, tell you: "Barbeque is very serious business, in this part of America!"

Local Abbevillian Wins Online Humor Contest

Abbevillian wins online humor contest.

Local Abbevillian - freelance writer and internet blogger - Francis R. Barbour [who calls himself, The Real American] recently won an online humor competition, by hilariously captioning a very interesting police photo!

The "Caption This" Contest - which was being held at the Comedy Plus blog - is a regular and friendly competition among internet bloggers, upon that particular daily humor site. When we approached Mr. Barbour, for our own Town Exclusive Interview, he stated:

• "Go figure... I thought the guy in third place would have won? After all, 'There ain't enough milkbones in the WORLD, Bubba' was a pretty darn good response."

Meanwhile, after having closely scrutinized the photo in question, we too must admit that he could be right... since the expression and even body language given off, by that particular bloodhound, is priceless! Ultimately, however, we can still see why the site chose his interesting and clever response out of dozens of other very well-written choices. One must honestly note all three primary subjects in the picture, in order to get the full benefit of his incredible talent for captioning. But, it [definitely] works on a far deeper level, than the numerous other submitted responses!

Congratulations, definitely goes out to Mr. Barbour - for representing your town so well and bringing back the gold!

 
*** Note: For those of you who haven't seen the photo in question, or who missed the link at the top, please visit Comedy Plus and see what all this fuss is about. You'll be glad you did! ;0)

Joke Of The Day: Growing Up American Style

Little Girl: "I Wanna Be President Some Day..."

I recently asked my friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President of the United States.

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there so I asked her, "If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?"

She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people...." Her parents proudly beamed.

"Wow...what a worthy goal," I told her. "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that...."

"Tell you what - you can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house." 

"How about doing something wonderful like that?"

She thought that idea over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked:
 
"Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Her parents still aren't speaking to me.


[Moral Of The Story: Although it isn't an issue, at all, when giving away someone else's: money, property, and/or physical efforts - even little children understand the value of their own hard work. ]


*** Note: Borrowed from Phil of Phils Phun

Abbeville, South Carolina: Remembering When The Grenadiers Were Great!

Abbeville High School - side entrance.

One thing is certain about Abbeville, South Carolina - like it or not - this small southwestern Carolina town continues to evolve and change... and not always for the better. Take, for instance, Abbeville High School. It has a whole new look with that wonderful red and gray roofline. After continually replacing its flat roof for years - at a tremendous "out of pocket" expense - someone thought to themselves: "Gee a sloped roof might actually shed water - before it had a chance to leak." Of course, this isn't "Rocket Science," but Abbeville's Intellectual Elite can be like that, quite frequently. They aren't usually elected because of their obvious intelligence, but rather, despite all public knowledge to the contrary!

Like most smaller American towns, Abbeville has been blessed with several well-connected families and the elections are largely decided by a mixture of: personal popularity, interconnected familial relationships, and [precisely] who is openly rooting for you. Although it doesn't hurt to own at least one nicely tailored suit, most of Abbeville's ruling elite have that already well-known base covered. After all, they're usually quite well to do in the area of their own personal finances.

Joke Of The Day: The People Have Spoken

Barrack Obama on telephone.

Tired of his increasingly lower political approval ratings and the numerous Tea Party rallies being held outside of The White House, President Barrack H. Obama decided to do something constructive about it. So, when things were slow in the office, he called up his CIA Director and said: "I've got a special assignment for you guys to handle... send me, over, your very best agent in the morning!"

Within minutes, a special coded message was sent out to The Middle East, and the most talented American CIA Operative was soon headed back to Langley, Virginia. Upon receiving the details of his personal presidential assignment, the next morning, he headed straight away to The White House in order to be briefed upon the particular specifics.

 As he arrived in the Oval Office, Barrack greeted him with a sigh of utter relief. Then he began: "I hear you're the best in the business... and that is precisely what I need at this time...."

"I also hear that you are incredibly dutiful, honorable and loyal. I need that, more than anything else - at this time."

Agent: "Yes sir, Mr. President, I am!"

Obama: "I can't seem to trust what my staff tells me, anymore. Everything they tell me seems to just work out all wrong, dammit!"

"First, there was that whole Banking Bailout... then the damn Health Care Fiasco... and now I'm dropping in the polls - even faster than, Bernanke's destroying The Dollar.... I just don't know what to do anymore."

Agent: "I understand, sir. How may I help?"

Obama:  "I want you to visit every State in the Union, every Major City... and I want you to stay out on the road - until you have an idea of what the vast majority of Americans honestly expect from me, as their president.... Do you understand?"

The CIA agent responded in the affirmative, and he left The White House immediately. He wasn't heard from again, for nearly four months. Finally, when he showed up early - upon one Saturday morning - the President eagerly demanded to see him immediately.

Obama: "Did you find out what the vast majority of Americans honestly expect from me, as their president?"

Agent: "Yes, sir, I did."

"Well, then, what do they want from me?" Obama demanded.

So the agent pulled out an: old, yellowed, and frail paper scroll - from underneath his jacket - and then handed it to the President.

Agent: "They want you to read this, sir...."

So, Obama unrolled the scroll and examining it closely, then stated: "But... this is, The United States Constitution...?"

Agent: Yes sir, they know that...."

Joke Of The Day: Upgrading Your Intelligence

Patient is consulting with his doctor....

A mid-level corporate executive who was disappointed - by once again being passed over for promotion - decided to take the modern and proactive approach to solving his problems. If his own creativity and intelligence were holding him back, then he would just have to [hopefully] raise his I.Q. another 20 points. After all, modern medicine can do almost anything these days....

Finding out about a highly recommended medical center - which specializes in brain transplants, modifications, and upgrades - he set up an appointment to undergo the rigorous physical and psychological testing. Meanwhile, after this massive battery of tests, the doctor tells him that he is definitely an acceptable candidate for the new medical procedure. He's ecstatic.

"That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can also be really expensive."

"Yes, sir, it certainly can," the doctor replied. For instance:

• "One ounce of an Accountant's brain, costs one thousand dollars."
• "One ounce of an Economist's, costs two thousand."
• "One ounce of a Corporate President's, costs forty-five thousand."
• "And one ounce from a Democrat, can even cost seventy-five thousand dollars...."

"Seventy-Five Thousand Dollars! For just one single ounce of A Democrat's Brain? How can you possibly charge so much for Brains 'from Democrats?'"

The doctor replied: "Do you have any idea, how many Democrats that we have to kill, to make just that one ounce? Luckily, however, they always seem to believe us - when we offer them Free Nationalized Healthcare....

Abbeville Is Slowly And Subtly Changing Over Time

Abbeville County Courthouse - on the square.

Although many in Abbeville, South Carolina may have noticed the subtle changes - which have occurred in the last couple of years - many who have moved away will now notice [from this photo] that the County Courthouse is looking much brighter than in times past. This is due, in large part, to certain subtle changes in the exterior landscaping - which occurred right around the time of our last Abbeville Tornado. At that time, the city embarked upon a new project to let in much needed ambient light and remove several massive old growth oak trees - which largely prevented it.

It was a very good thing too, since The 2008 Abbeville Tornado would have probably demolished much of our downtown area had they not so smartly done so! As it was, much of the city was heavily damaged - and left without power, for around two weeks - in its very significant aftermath. A much belated Kudos must be given to these fine city employees who worked so very hard to clean it all up afterward. As one long-time resident of Wardlaw Street stated:

• "They did a fine job, in clearing up this whole mess... but I sure wish they started with 'Wardlaw.'" 

Abraham Lincoln [The Northern Despot]: A Product Of Smooth Southern Seduction

Abbeville's President Abraham Lincoln?

As difficult as it may be, for most self-respecting southerners to admit, President Abraham Lincoln was just as intricately connected to Abbeville County as the concept of "Lawful State Secession." Regardless of his paternity, Abraham Lincoln was factually conceived in Abbeville!  While it is firmly believed that many in our town are just a bunch of "Red-Necked Bastards," in Lincoln's case the evidence is actually pretty strong.... Perhaps, not a "Red Neck," but definitely "A Bastard!" His actions as President, need not be included....

As the local story goes, "Honest Abe" is the very own offspring of one Southern Statesman named John C. Calhoun [a long time resident of Abbeville] and a local barmaid, Ms. Nancy Hanks. If true, then Abbeville has a lot more skeletons in its closet, than many of us have ever expected. Personally, the owner of one local Confederate Shop strongly detests this idea... however, the facts are extremely strong in its overall favor. Whereas, "The Truth" regarding his paternity may never be satisfactorily known.